JIVE, Therapy & Horses, My Heartbreak

June & July weren’t exactly good months for me. A whirlwind of some sort. Heartbreaking even, that will forever alter my well being. There is not a day that I do not think of her. I try to put a brave front and face what used to be my almost daily grind and of course, the need to go on with my daily life. I had to give up Jive. My horse. My baby. My key to recovery (physically, emotionally, and psychologically), my happiness, that I can really call my own. My chest tightens just thinking about it and tears start to fill the brim of my eyes. MANY will say that I’m just overreacting or being a brat. I’m still trying to wrap around the thought of why people don’t understand how much Jive means to me. Only a good handful of people understand this. Yes, I admit that I didn’t “work” hard enough to be able to afford her upkeep. Believe me, I tried. I spent months talking to other riders, parents and other people who would want to half-stable Jive, a good learning horse, but because of her age, most said that it was time to retire her. My own mother even said to put her to sleep but when she found out that it would cost at least P25,000 or more to do so, she kept quiet. Jive still has a few good years on her, she’s a tough girl. I could still ride and make use of being the only accredited FEI ParaEquestrian in the country and who knows, join more competitions and represent our country.

The connotation that riding is such an expensive sport is true. It is. BUT there are other sports that cost much more. Do you have an emotional and physical relationship with you golf clubs, scuba diving gear, bikes, etc? Does your gear respond to your touch? I didn’t think so.

My mother keeps shoving up my ass of how I need to work, find a regular nine to five job, etc. My mother also forgets that I have a medical condition that could be fatal if i get too stressed which I have been, trying to make ends meet. She forgets too that I have medical screws inside my ankle area that helps me walk better. As much as I want to bike everyday for at least an hour, I have a feeling that the screws inside my paralyzed leg have been misaligned because my ankle is starting to veer to one side again. No severe pain at all which is a big bonus. I don’t have any pain or pressure when I ride. Again, my mother NEVER sees my riding or my love of Jive as something beneficial in all aspects rather a big burden, a useless expense. Since my mother and I NEVER see eye t eye on this, I have become an expert of walking away once she brings up this topic. Rude, yes but it’s the only way to keep the peace and be civil.

“Physically, horses can help people gain greater mobility, a stronger sense of balance, better sensory skills, and improved neurological function. Riding a horse benefits ill or injured people who have trouble walking (such as stroke victims and those suffering multiple sclerosis or cerebral palsy) because a horse’s gait has a rhythm that is strikingly similar to that of a human being. After spending some time riding a horse, people may walk better on their own. People who need help with their sensory skills or neurological functioning (such as those with autism or people who’ve suffered brain injuries in accidents) often improve after working with horses.

Emotionally, horses can help people recover from trauma, so people with a variety of psychological needs (such as abused children and soldiers suffering from post traumatic stress disorder) spend time enjoying horses’ company and taking care of them to build bonds that give them the courage to eventually build stronger relationships with other people. The strong yet gentle demeanor of horses encourages people to talk openly with them about their thoughts and feelings, and horses respond with much-needed listening and unconditional love.”

If you come across anything about how horses are both beneficial and therapeutic ones well being, feel free to get in touch with me. I’m a living proof of how riding and horses has helped me.

Alas… some REST

I look forward to these days where I can spend the day doing as I please. I know I have to keep myself busy. That’s easy. Basically REST simply means, not leaving the house.

Last Monday, I met up with Mia Vorbeck at the Chukker to talk and share about my experience. Apparently, a year ago, her 9 year old son Felipe had AVM too. All this time, she has been looking for someone to talk to and ask questions of how she can help her son improve and better himself in terms of coping with his disability as well. I am no doctor or medical practitioner. I only speak of what I know and what I experience. I only speak of what I did, how people have helped me, and what I have been doing to these past years. It’s been a long road and just like in a journey, there are ups and downs, potholes and bumps. After sharing all this with Mia and our common friend Corina, we were all in tears. I broke down because, I saw how Mia has been holding herself up these past years. Finally she was able to let go. That’s something ya?

Change is inevitable. In life there are only two things you can do. Accept and move on. The wheels may turn slower or faster for some. What is important is that they turn forward. It took me a while to accept my fate. It took me a while to accept that I was a disabled. That things were going to be different. But it didn’t mean that things were going to be worst. I could have chosen things to be worst or sulk down in a corner and pity myself. But I think I’m too proud (good and bad) to succumb to such. I felt that I had to prove to everyone that I could and will rise above my disability. At the same time, to give myself ample time to do things at my own pace.

Many believe that all this horoscope and astrological readings are pure bull but the daily readings hit the spot right on. It’s actually scary. In a way, I have understood myself better why I am this way. Why I can be so intense, so bullheaded, so fearless, at the same time worst than a lethargic worm. I contradict myself. Hahaha. Yes that’s me. There are intense days and there are not-a-care-in-the-world days. “JUST LET ME BE!!” as a friend acclaimed yesterday.

I want this tattoo together with a dragon…. I am after all a LIBRA-SCORPION Born in the year of the FIRE DRAGON.